Advice from those who had dissolution/ divorce with a kid.

B

Boom180

Active member
5 year marriage and a 2 1/2 year old. I made the biggest mistake in a marriage but we had issues outside of that. Have been doing everything including counseling and we had a talk tonight and she's leaving.
We are very civil and basically the only issue is the house and profits but I think we have come to an agreement.

Looking for advice on how to stay positive. I love this girl (even though I was stupid and deserve what I'm getting). Just feel lost right now. Obviously gonna train like an animal but what did you guys do to help with the anxiety and depression that goes along with it. I'm sure my kid will rebound but I'm heartbroken for her as well...

For those of you that are tempted in a relationship... don't fucking do it. I don't wish this hell on anyone (and we actually get along). Get the help you need or walk away.
 
aalosio

aalosio

Well-known member
Boom180 said:
5 year marriage and a 2 1/2 year old. I made the biggest mistake in a marriage but we had issues outside of that. Have been doing everything including counseling and we had a talk tonight and she's leaving.
We are very civil and basically the only issue is the house and profits but I think we have come to an agreement.

Looking for advice on how to stay positive. I love this girl (even though I was stupid and deserve what I'm getting). Just feel lost right now. Obviously gonna train like an animal but what did you guys do to help with the anxiety and depression that goes along with it. I'm sure my kid will rebound but I'm heartbroken for her as well...

For those of you that are tempted in a relationship... don't fucking do it. I don't wish this hell on anyone (and we actually get along). Get the help you need or walk away.
Click to expand...
I was told from my mother as a 15-year-old after a sad breakup that time is the only thing that will heal it and she was absolutely right .
 
B

Boom180

Active member
That's what I'm getting... each day changes a but even though we aren't technically divorced.
The day she leaves and we go to 50 50 custody my heart will shatter again.
 
R

Resilient

Well-known member
Things will work themselves out booms I'm sure your a good dad. Just make sure you and your ex work as a team don't talk bad about the other parent when your with your kid. Hopefully you your ex will live some what close to each other.
 
L

lbcake

Member
Boom180 said:
I'm sure my kid will rebound but I'm heartbroken for her as well...
Click to expand...
No disrespect - kids don’t just rebound. I didn’t. My kids didn’t. Dad is destiny! I’m 59 and I am my children’s father for their lifetime - not just until adulthood. They are always seeking their father whether you or they know it. It physiological and spiritual. My curse - my blessing. Be amazing!
For those of you that are tempted in a relationship... don't fucking do it. I don't wish this hell on anyone (and we actually get along). Get the help you need or walk away.
Click to expand...
Everybodys looking for something -something to fill in the holes. We think alot but don’t talk much about it - until things get out of control. - VanHalen

Sorry for your pain!👊🏻
 
B

Boom180

Active member
The more and more I'm into this, the more I'm finding out about her and the bs involved. With that being said, it doesn't take away from my part in it.
Would I do anything to fix it, yes. But at least I see now that this was probably Destin to happen, I did what I needed to change and get my ass in gear and she refused to try to address anything.

Wanting to fix something that you know could be, but the other is unwilling to try is tough. Hoping for good things. Thanks for the positive words all.
 
R

Resilient

Well-known member
You'll find another women better suited for you in the future just focus on yourself right now man. Your going to make it. I have a good feeling just give yourself sometime to recover man.
 
L

lbcake

Member
FWIW my first wife and I divorced with kids 30 or more years ago and I carried all the blame shame and regret for everything and everyone. Then one day I started to think about things. She was not, is not, and will never ever not be culpable. I see things that I never saw. None are innocent. Not one single one of us. Be good to yourself and your kids.
 
B

Boom180

Active member
I really appreciate this all. The hardest part of this is the new normal. I have multiple supposed friends (obviously not) that continiouisly invited her out with them even after i told the this was stepping over the line, then when i addressed it and told them that they needed to steer clear of me because we had nothing to say ever again to eachother, they believe i was joking.

Papers are waiting for me apparently for the dissolution at the post office, i was not happy or ready to hear that last week even though i knew it was coming. Then today when i message her and tell her she needs to video our child through FB messenger (ive deleted her off all social media after multiple times of her posting bikkini shots on the boat with one of those former friends who is 20 years older than her) she doesnt respond and bam, i see a posting from some dude with a kiss emoji. Again, all stuff that i know is the new normal that i have to accept but it is hard.

I see she is wrong for me, after 9 years and a child, but it kills me it took this log to come out. My mistakes brought out her true colors and i guess that is a blessing maybe in disguise that it didnt happen 5 years from now. 10% of emotion have outweighed 90% of intelligence through this whole process.
My only time i am happy is when i have my kid and in the gym. I'm lucky to keep the house for now and have a good job so i feel bad saying that. She meets so many levels of being a narcissist and i truly hate that word, but it is the truth. I just have a hard time accepting the girl i loved is one.... But i guess we all go through that.
Thank you for the kind words again.
 
B

Boom180

Active member
On a side note, i know it means nothing but she absolutley didn't turn me in for a better model. I kind had to laugh at what i saw, even though i know i shouldnt have looked. Just one more reason that if this is what you are going for then this was best for me....
 
R

Resilient

Well-known member
It's time to just focus on you and your son. Just keep blinders on like a horse just look straight away and do what makes you happy and distracted.
 
T

Triposinator

Active member
I'd get help from a professional, not random & anonymous steroid users. If this is really messing with your head, do the hard work to fix it. Time will heal things, but you can likely shrink the time with help.
 
B

Bubba2.0

Active member
As the years pass, never talk bad about your child's mother.

Embrace the shameful feelings and use them to better yourself.

Wishing you all the best brotha!
 
B

Boom180

Active member
I did therapy for about 8 months, probably not entirely done. She has pretty much lied to me about alot as of late but at least we are able to co parent for the time being.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top