40+ Years Old Too Late to Start a Family?

[Warrior]

Btw, the fling I had with the bartender ended because I started fucking another chick. I always tell girls from the gate that I’m no good with monogamy. Since I started doing this I’ve found that (without exception so far) we remain friends after I move on to the next. It used to be that I ended up being hated and never spoke to the woman again. It’s much nicer to remain friends. Hell, a few of them are still even dtf.

 

[Boom180]

I don't think younger chicks would even like me for that to be a problem. I don't really like myself if we're being honest. Im a homebody, i dont like to go out and party any more, i dont do anything exciting really.

I really dont want to leave my gf, we are unbreakably close and i know she is a good person, but she has become impossible to deal with. I feel bad for her health more than anything, she knows she has issues and is willing to work on herself, but her health is more important. Which puts me in this

I don't think younger chicks would even like me for that to be a problem. I don't really like myself if we're being honest. Im a homebody, i dont like to go out and party any more, i dont do anything exciting really.

I really dont want to leave my gf, we are unbreakably close and i know she is a good person, but she has become impossible to deal with. I feel bad for her health more than anything, she knows she has issues and is willing to work on herself, but her health is more important. Which puts me in this spot

There are alot of people that love eachother but just can't make it work for one reason or another. I am still a firm believer that with the right professional help most of these instances would work out, but it takes both to be highly motivated to change and work through it. If both are not on board 100% , it will never work. Hard place with the medical issues. Have you guys had thos discussion on where this is likely to lead if things don't change ?
That doesn't make you a bad person, just makes you not want to be miserable.

If you don't love yourself to some extent then yes, it will be hard to have someone else do it for you. Being a homebody isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it will make meeting anybody virtually impossible. You have to find something in a social setting to do at some point, force yourself out.
I love my current wife and was willing to do whatever I had to stay with her, in the end the damage had been done and she is a very emotionless person which made it easy for her to walk away. Through this I have seen what really bothers me such as gratitude and willingness to sit and talk about issues on both sides, something she is not willing to do.
Those are all things I need to be looking for in my next relationship, whenever that will be. Those little things added with my age are going to the difficult part...

 

[Xxplosive]

My biggest age gap was when I was 41 and she was 27. She was a RN and quite well established. The biggest difference that I noticed was her maturity level. Not that she was immature, she just wasn’t to my level yet. I met her family and they were all cool with me. Outlaw Muscle is my only “social media” so I didn’t have to deal with any of that ridicule. We would likely still be together if not for the fact that we live almost two hours away from one another. We still talk. We still fuck every time we see each other but that’s only once or twice a year. I have noticed her maturity level come up since we were “together”.

You cant expect a chick or really anyone in their 20's to be on the same level because she hasn't lived enough life- and that's from my own personal experience. After 30-32 is when you REALLY find out who your friends are and have to start making cuts. Imo, even at 30 you still feel like you have endless life and opportunities and you don't value certain things as much as you should.

Aside from all that, as weak as this sounds, my confidence is in the gutter rn and i dont even think who i am would attract these girls anways. Im outta shape which can be fixed, but i dont own a home, i dont live by himself, my current car is kinda shitty, and im a homebody that would rather stay in than run around town. Plus i still love my gf, as toxic as this is, and i don't wanna turn my back on her when she is having health issues and a tough time in her life, even though she probably doesn't deserve a guy like me.

 

[zeusmcgee]

I just spend my time growing mushrooms and keeping myself as balanced as I can, isolating genetics and learning something interesting is far more rewarding than chasing these hoes

 

[shaboz2]

Im going to relay some advice a buddy of mine gave me. He is divorced and shares custody of a son with his ex.

He said…. “if you wanna have kids… hire a surrogate, buy the eggs and provide your own sperm. You avoid divorce, alimony, child support and custody battle all in one swoop.”

Also…. don’t give two shits what someone else thinks is age appropriate. If she has daddy issues, you are there to help her thru them! Be proud of the service you provide!

 

[nhbskull21]

Im 41. I say all girls 21 and up are fair game. I dont look like this for nothing. There are plenty of young girls that arent good diggers and sick of guys in their generation. Like o shit you can fix a car. O you can get that earing i dropped out of the sink. Ect. not all of them want money. Just have to do you.

 

[MasteronOfPuppets]

Yes. My wife's 11 years younger than me. Married her when I was 38. First child at 39. Second child 42. Just turned 50 and hey I'm married to a woman in her thirties!! Find the right woman and you're golden. Hope so she's a decade younger than you as well

 

[Boom180]

I'll be honest, when I look again to get involved and I will even though I'm hurting pretty bad through this divorce, I'll be looking in the 30s somewhere. Now, will that happen, who knows...

 

[Resilient]

My cousin started a family in his 40s. Your most likely have to change your priorities but nothing is impossible. You got one life man as far as I know this is it. If you want kids a family then do it. Don't let life pass you by like it unfortunately does to some people try to have as few as regrets as possible. You certainly have my support

 

[Boom180]

Being a dad has been the hardest but most rewarding thing I've ever done. Believe me, whatever sacrifices you have to make it is well worth it.

 

[Warrior]

He said…. “if you wanna have kids… hire a surrogate, buy the eggs and provide your own sperm. You avoid divorce, alimony, child support and custody battle all in one swoop.”

This is great advice!!! I have 2 daughters (18 & 19), they haven’t seen their incubator since 2012. She is a hopeless drug addict POS. I have great relationships with my angels. They are completely honest with me and pretty much tell me everything (some of which I don’t really want to hear but I realize how fortunate I am that they do). I don’t bring women around them unless they have similar interests or I’m starting to think I’m the long term and want their opinion.

 

[Warrior]

Im 41. I say all girls 21 and up are fair game. I dont look like this for nothing. There are plenty of young girls that arent good diggers and sick of guys in their generation. Like o shit you can fix a car. O you can get that earing i dropped out of the sink. Ect. not all of them want money. Just have to do you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
100% truth right there

 

[Warrior]

Aside from all that, as weak as this sounds, my confidence is in the gutter rn and i dont even think who i am would attract these girls anways. Im outta shape which can be fixed, but i dont own a home, i dont live by himself, my current car is kinda shitty, and im a homebody that would rather stay in than run around town. Plus i still love my gf, as toxic as this is, and i don't wanna turn my back on her when she is having health issues and a tough time in her life, even though she probably doesn't deserve a guy like me.

This sounds selfish but it’s really not. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. I know it isn’t easy to pull yourself out of a funk but the first place (for me anyway) to start is to get in shape. Then the confidence will come naturally.

Don’t worry about what you don’t have, be thankful for what you do have. Just because you don’t have a house or a nice car doesn’t mean you won’t tomorrow. True friends and girlfriends don’t care about that shit anyway. Not having those things right now helps weed out the riff raff from the gate so look at it as a positive.

I’ve seen people who have been in toxic relationships, ended the relationship and ended up being better as “just friends” than they ever were “together”. If you want to help this woman, would it be easier to do it as just a friend and not having the added worry of trying to maintain the relationship?

Don’t worry about a car. I had an old Plymouth Acclaim and was embarrassed to be seen in it. I went through 3 or 4 girls with it. I ended up having sex with the 1st girl in the back seat and was never embarrassed of it again!

A great way to meet people, strengthen character and build confidence is to volunteer to do charity work. Personally I find it very fulfilling. I do it because I want to help people, not because I want to change people’s opinion of me but people will see you in a different light.

You don’t have to go “out on the town” to meet people. Walk to the gym (if it’s within walking distance). Stop and eat at a restaurant on the way home. There’s been quite a few times when I’ve gone by houses that people were moving into or working on and I stopped and offered to help. I’ve made quite a few friendships this way. There’s all kinds of ways to be “social” without running around. Keep it simple.

I wish nothing but good for both you and your girlfriend. I really hope everything works out for the best

 

[Xxplosive]

This sounds selfish but it’s really not. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. I know it isn’t easy to pull yourself out of a funk but the first place (for me anyway) to start is to get in shape. Then the confidence will come naturally.

Don’t worry about what you don’t have, be thankful for what you do have. Just because you don’t have a house or a nice car doesn’t mean you won’t tomorrow. True friends and girlfriends don’t care about that shit anyway. Not having those things right now helps weed out the riff raff from the gate so look at it as a positive.

I’ve seen people who have been in toxic relationships, ended the relationship and ended up being better as “just friends” than they ever were “together”. If you want to help this woman would it be easier to do it as just a friend and not having the added worry of trying to maintain the relationship?

Don’t worry about a car. I had an old Plymouth Acclaim and was embarrassed to be seen in it. I went through 3 or 4 girls with it. I ended up having sex with the 1st girl in the back seat and was never embarrassed of it again!

You don’t have to go “out on the town” to meet people. Walk to the gym (if it’s within walking distance). Stop and eat at a restaurant on the way home. There’s been quite a few times when I’ve gone by houses that people were moving into or working on and I stopped and offered to help. I’ve made quite a few friendships this way. There’s all kinds of ways to be “social” without running around. Keep it simple.

I wish nothing but good for both you and your girlfriend. I really hope everything works out for the best

Hey i appreciate your post bro. I tried to nicely break up with her and asked her if she just rather me walk away, that I don't want to do this if she's miserable and if she meant some of the things she said; she apologized and said she just hasnt been able to think clearly and she hates herself and knows that she needs to work on herself. I know she is trying her hardest and doing everything she can to get her health back, and I just cant bring myself to abandon her when she has nobody and is so self destructive at times. We have been together on and off for 20+ years and both love each other.

As for me, my dr put me on a light cocktail of happy pills, and so far i feel amazing. Finally got back in the gym, not nearly as weak as i expected to be. My chest is so sore it feels like it's gonna break, and i crushed back today.

Random question- what med is GUARANTEED to put you to sleep? Im on trazadone and hydroxizyne and still cant fall asleep til way later. Lack of sleep makes everything worse.

 

[Warrior]

Breaking up with her is not the same thing as abandoning her. With 20+ years I’d say chances of renewing the relationship are pretty good. Taking a break from one another will add value to the time spent together. And “taking a break” doesn’t mean cutting all ties. I think it would just make things a lot less complicated to remove focus from the relationship in order to have better focus on the more important issues.

Glad to hear you’re back in the gym!!! That soreness in your chest takes you back to better times, doesn’t it? Feeling better makes you better equipped to deal with life.

Please, please, please be careful with that happy cocktail. Remember it’s only a band aid, not the cure.

As far as the sleeping pill…. well that’s the million dollar question right there. I haven’t found anything that helps with that. The only advice I can offer for that is to get your head right. Less stress and worry = less to keep you up at night.

Best wishes and good luck!!!

 

[Warrior]

I'll be honest, when I look again to get involved and I will even though I'm hurting pretty bad through this divorce, I'll be looking in the 30s somewhere. Now, will that happen, who knows...

The hurt of your divorce will subside. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I seem to have a knack with nurses. Usually because they are interested in my veins. A couple of nurses ago I went in for an ECG. I had over tanned earlier that day so I was a bit red. When she lifted my shirt to put on the sticky pads she was concerned as to why my skin was so red. I told her I go tanning and it was of no concern. She told me that she thought it was hot that I went tanning. I told her that I didn’t have any tan lines, she should check it out sometime. Had her in bed that weekend She was 31, I was 40 or 41

As to your last sentence, that’s the wrong attitude. Make it happen. Set goals and achieve them. We that are in great shape and take care of ourselves have the advantage over any age group. Sure there are girls that don’t like our type but they don’t matter anyway.

Clarification: when I say nurse, they weren’t always actual nurses. There’s so many different specializations of medical workers I just call them all nurses…

 

[Xxplosive]

This sounds selfish but it’s really not. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. I know it isn’t easy to pull yourself out of a funk but the first place (for me anyway) to start is to get in shape. Then the confidence will come naturally.

Don’t worry about what you don’t have, be thankful for what you do have. Just because you don’t have a house or a nice car doesn’t mean you won’t tomorrow. True friends and girlfriends don’t care about that shit anyway. Not having those things right now helps weed out the riff raff from the gate so look at it as a positive.

I’ve seen people who have been in toxic relationships, ended the relationship and ended up being better as “just friends” than they ever were “together”. If you want to help this woman, would it be easier to do it as just a friend and not having the added worry of trying to maintain the relationship?

Don’t worry about a car. I had an old Plymouth Acclaim and was embarrassed to be seen in it. I went through 3 or 4 girls with it. I ended up having sex with the 1st girl in the back seat and was never embarrassed of it again!

A great way to meet people, strengthen character and build confidence is to volunteer to do charity work. Personally I find it very fulfilling. I do it because I want to help people, not because I want to change people’s opinion of me but people will see you in a different light.

You don’t have to go “out on the town” to meet people. Walk to the gym (if it’s within walking distance). Stop and eat at a restaurant on the way home. There’s been quite a few times when I’ve gone by houses that people were moving into or working on and I stopped and offered to help. I’ve made quite a few friendships this way. There’s all kinds of ways to be “social” without running around. Keep it simple.

I wish nothing but good for both you and your girlfriend. I really hope everything works out for the best

Im not ungrateful because i dont have a great car or house. I am just being realistic about how that sounds for a guy 40 years old and how most women are going to view me.

I am getting back in shape either way

Breaking up with her is not the same thing as abandoning her. With 20+ years I’d say chances of renewing the relationship are pretty good. Taking a break from one another will add value to the time spent together. And “taking a break” doesn’t mean cutting all ties. I think it would just make things a lot less complicated to remove focus from the relationship in order to have better focus on the more important issues.

Glad to hear you’re back in the gym!!! That soreness in your chest takes you back to better times, doesn’t it? Feeling better makes you better equipped to deal with life.

Please, please, please be careful with that happy cocktail. Remember it’s only a band aid, not the cure.

As far as the sleeping pill…. well that’s the million dollar question right there. I haven’t found anything that helps with that. The only advice I can offer for that is to get your head right. Less stress and worry = less to keep you up at night.

Best wishes and good luck!!!

We are basically on a break right now- we talk every couple days for a bit and that's it and how its been for some time now. She has also gained a ton of weight and it has shattered her confidence. The migraines have been pretty much non stop for her for a year, poor girl cant even watch TV or go out because of light sensitivity. Her hands are tied with the weight thing, she is just struggling to have a pain free day right now.

I have been recommended happy pills for a long time and always resisted them mightily. I couldn't afford for this to keep fucking up my life and it was affecting my job, so i caved. I'm not an antidepressants, just mood stabilizers and anti anxiety

 

[shaboz2]

Yes. My wife's 11 years younger than me. Married her when I was 38. First child at 39. Second child 42. Just turned 50 and hey I'm married to a woman in her thirties!! Find the right woman and you're golden. Hope so she's a decade younger than you as well

Prime rib is better than pot roast. When in doubt, always choose women in their 20’s.

 

[Jhollon37]

Is it to old? Hell nah. Do what makes you happy and fuck anyone else. Is there going to be negative opinions and views, sure but that's anything you do in life. If you and the lady are happy fuck them people. No matter what you do their will be people who disagree. I generally go by if I lose sleep over it or not as to if it is wrong or not.

 

[360]

I met my wife when I was 40. She was 22 but very mature. Here we are eight years later married with three kids.